“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
Did you know that I’m a queen? You’re a ruler too. I know it’s frustrating to live in a world where we think we have very little control. We are born to a set of parents who may or may not see our best qualities, then we go off to school whether we like it or not. Our indoctrination into the matrix, or the status quo, which dictates: “get a job, get married, have children, retire, die” is all around us and for the most part keeps us in a slave mindset. Many of us forget about the colours, images, sounds, smells, feelings of aliveness that we once held within us. We even forget the excitement of what it was like to hold onto that red balloon, a symbol of celebration. Then one day, if we’re lucky, we see a movie or a talk or hear about a company called “Red Balloon” built by a lady who refused to let her dreams die and we are reminded of a magical time in our lives.
What if I said, you are that magic in your life and you are in total control?
I know it sounds ridiculous. I didn’t believe any of that woo-woo either until I started writing and it opened new possibilities to me. The written word connected me to all those feelings I once held within me that had been lying dormant like cinders from a fire put out long ago. Then through a series of interactions with artists, doing all the things I dreamt about, like writing books, I woke up from my slumber in the ashes and saw my own talents and started going to places where I would be seen for my gifts, the ones my parents never saw in me.
There was no fairy godmother because none is needed. We are the ones we have been waiting for and unfortunately, we are also the ones sabotaging the lives we think we are not good enough to live.
How to Restore Balance
This idea of being a ruler, a King, Queen or even an Emperor in charge of your own kingdom, empire or simply domain, is a Jungian concept. Jung was a psychotherapist who combined spirituality and characters from fairy tales into his practice to help his patients identify some of the destructive patterns that were holding them back from fully enjoying life.
In my writing, I’m often criticised for referring to parts of myself as a narcissist, tyrant or a prostitute and yet, these are some of the most basic characters we all recognise from the stories we’ve read and seen in the movies. These characters are the building blocks of everyone’s psyche and yes, even the most gentle person will lash out when under pressure and may find themselves enjoying teasing someone, which is a slight form of torture.
I also hear people calling each other narcissists all the time. In fact, it’s not rare to have two people in a relationship, where both are called narcissists by the other. What is going on?
I’ve been called a narcissist and I own that part of me. We all have a desire to be seen and recognised and it becomes desperation when we were raised in households where both parents were not around or they were not able to give their love for whatever reason. That human need for being understood never passes and hence, we are now a generation of narcissists taking photos of our breakfast, lunch and dinner, hoping someone is there to give us positive affirmation for eating well and taking care of ourselves.
It’s very easy to get carried away in this and we give away our power when we look for affirmation from the outside and other people.
Putting away the phones, being very intentional with what we pay attention to, listening to ourselves and trusted loved ones is a step in the right direction to become the masters of our own domain.
What does that look like for me?
It means being very conscious about making myself present to my partner, the father of my children and being present in my children’s growth process, interacting with them in ways I enjoy, which is artwork and stories. As they get older, I see myself writing and illustrating stories with them. I prioritise the life I want for myself, that of a writer, who helps others finish and publish their books. The way I set an example is finishing and publishing my own books and am now editing my first book which will be available in print on my birthday.
As a queen, I communicate the life I’m working towards to all the people in my life and this helps put distance between myself and others who, for whatever reason, don’t want to see me succeed. I’ve also become discerning about the people who say they want me to succeed and yet act in ways that drain my time and energy.
Challenge Yourself to Grow
There are also other people who come into my life and they challenge me to be a better version of myself. This is exhilarating and it is so welcomed! At times, I look at how I interact with people and see that I’m draining them. Here’s an example.
“You want a new mop? Here look at this one.” my partner’s way of showing love is ordering things online. I don’t trust any online purchases.
“I don’t know. It looks okay, yeah let’s order it. It is very cheap.”
Then it arrives and I’m on his case.
“This is the worst mop I’ve ever seen…” and with that, all his goodwill towards me withers away. Why don’t I try saying something like this:
“I’m using this mop and it’s nice that we have it, yet do you see how it started to fall apart at the handle?” and by seeing what I see, he can now empathise with me instead of hearing me whine.
Understanding that above all, what people want the most are acceptance and appreciation, will open doors. And yet, there will be people whose love deficit is so great that you will feel yourself getting sucked into a black hole and there are ways to recover from that too.
Who Are My Guests?
My kingdom, WritePublishGrow is based in Lane Cove for the foreseeable future and the residents are my partner and two girls and all of my family here in Australia, which includes my brother. I used to be very open to everyone, handing out visas left, right and centre without any regard for who was overstaying their welcome, draining my resources, dumping and trashing my kingdom with their unhealed emotional trauma.
These days I’m selective. I look for one quality. Inspiration! If there’s mutual inspiration, it is a fair exchange and there’s no drama. If tension arises, I feel that’s grounds for saying these magical words: “It sounds like you need to write this story! It wants to come out of you. I can help. My hourly rate is $120 AUD. It will be the best exchange you ever made!”.
What do you think?
Over to you…
Have you found your personal kingdom and how do you keep invaders from destroying it?
IF YOU’RE READY TO DISCUSS YOUR BOOK, GRAB A FREE 30-MIN CHAT WITH ME (WORTH $60 AUD). I look forward to being of assistance.