Do you ever get chat requests from ex’s?
This does not happen to me regularly – because I’ve moved so far – Australia – from any of my exes that I’m no longer in their axis of influence. However, lately, I have made a move towards wearing more green, supporting sustainability, spending more time outdoors and well even being away from city-life in a farm. In short, I bought into the “green movement”.
All of these things I now enjoy had their seeds planted with an ex in Istanbul who gave up some of his city-slicker lifestyle to start a charry orchard in Bulgaria. I found this against the grain movement charming and support anyone moving towards nature wholeheartedly. We should all make the time to get back to nature to appreciate her gifts.
When he broke up with me about 8 years ago, I was absolutely shattered. This is also when I first started getting into exploring ego and self-development literature. I could see that my heartbreak was the ego’s desire to own the life of another human being. I was dysfunctional and was guided by a desire to control rather than just simply love and be loved in return (which David Bowie sang is the greatest thing you will ever learn, on the Moulin Rouge soundtrack).
Last week, whether it’s my newfound appreciation for nature, wearing more green, supporting all things green (nature, plants, sustainability, business, ethical investing, etc…) he contacted me – the ex with the cherry orchard.
I could sense bitterness. The ego in him demanding me to remember the old days and telling me how quick I am to forget people. Forget, never. I know this. But I’d moved on. The quote, and again, not sure if David Bowie said it, but it seems a likely thing for him to say ‘It’s more fun progressing than looking back’ kept ringing in my ear. I had taken all the lessons I needed from the ex-bloke and am now moving forward with all those lessons in a direction I choose with a new partner and a lovely little daughter and with more time in nature.
Going forward, there may be nods to cherry farms in my writing but my main emotional investment is with my family.
This whole exchange stirred up thoughts in me, and reminded me of the David Bowie video ‘Where are we now’ which is him reminiscing about the Berlin days, wearing a shirt that says “Songs of Norway” a film his ex Hermione Farthingale left him to take a role in.
Exchanges with people in your past are best left in the past. You’ve reconciled those accounts but you will have memories that last a lifetime with them. Savour the memories and the learnings and recognise that those people are most likely not going to be a part of your life going forward. Your creative space is precious. Only allow those who are willing to support you and not make you feel bad about your shortcomings in the past.
Let’s all have fun progressing and look back occasionally to grab the gold nuggets and run before we forget that time moves forward.
Happy David Bowie day to those in NYC!